A review of Altar Boyz

Light Inoffensive Fun with Boy Bands!—Altar Boyz

Who would have ever thought that over the years there would be pop Christian groups? They resemble Backstreet Boys and NSync boy bands and they actually sing pop religious songs. These groups do not resemble r and b gospel influenced groups, but are more generated to the girl fans out there. I’m so glad a musical has been made out of this topic because someone has to make fun of this current trend, and the musical Altar Boyz does this. It’s not as if this particular music doesn’t deserve this ridicule; the bands who sing these innocuous pop tunes are as commercial as Hell and do not really care that much about religion. There is more a concentration on obtaining record deals, just like in any other boy band group. It’s not like this music has the power of gospel. It really just has a nice techno beat and the makers of Altar Boyz (Marc Kessler and Ken Davenport; music and lyrics by Gary Adler and Michael Patrick Walker) emphasize this point. At the same time, what the lyricists and writers of this musical make apparent is that the audience should not look down upon these particular groups. The musical is very innocent and appealing rather than being a harsh satire.

This topic of the commercialization of the Christian religion was the predominant theme in the movie Saved!. This particular movie was another very light satire on these young individuals who choose to be religious, but choose to be so in their own way i.e. through listening to boy band Christian groups. The main characters go to a religious school that’s modernized to include cant about the importance of being religious, without any of the consequences of not being religious mentioned and without really the force or power that one experiences if a preacher at a church is preaching. This is more innocuous spreading of the Gospel, updated for the teen x generation. What I liked most about the movie was Mandy Moore’s performance as the teen who goads and demands everyone to become religious, when she herself is very deceitful. She reminds viewers of the mean girls that are supposedly in high school, and Mandy Moore plays her very forcefully and beautifully. Maybe she feels she should make religion more forceful and edgy for kids, rather than how the teachers teach it. Her sexy fierceness is what’s missing from the musical Altar Boyz, because that fierceness which she displayed was an indication of what religion being taught to young people was missing. The characterization actually had some depth because at the same time that she reminds students what’s missing from their interpretation of religion, she herself is false and lies in order to get the main character in the story suspended from the school. Mandy Moore’s character has a problem with the main character because she is pregnant, which is an indication that she had sex before she got married. None of these plot elements or characterization appear in Altar Boyz. There isn’t even really much of a plot, but this is not a problem for the viewer because that could get in the way of the innocence of the production.

Altar Boyz deals with a Backstreet Boy-like Christian group that wants to spread their supposed Gospel to us, the audience. There’s Matthew, Mark, Luke, Juan (who is Spanish), and Abraham (who is Jewish). They put on their act for the audience in order to not make us sinners anymore; in a sense to reform us. There’s even a machine that can pinpoint how many sinners there are in the audience! The whole production is so farfetched and fun that it really is enjoyable without being offensive; without actually making the audience believe that the creators of this show are trying to truly reform us. The makers of this show are probably not even that religious.

The musical begins with the number entitled “We Are the Altar Boyz” where the group makes their introductions. The show starts off very humorously and continues from there. There is a very important line in the first song: “We don’t believe in hurtin’ or in hatin’, because that’s the kind of thing that leads to Satan.” Obviously, the creators of this production are setting out to make a very inoffensive comedy show on religious pop groups. This is important because not only does it show that the people in the audience are not being duped into actually being preached at, but it also emphasizes the fact that the audience should not look down upon these singers. What the creators are saying in that lyric is that, yeah, these groups are out to make a buck but isn’t everybody?

It’s a show that lacks depth, but that doesn’t seem to hinder the jokes. During the number entitled “Something about you”, the Altar Boyz pull a girl out of the audience and Matthew sings to her, “I believe in God and so I must abstain…Girl, you make me want to wait.” It a’int subtle, but it sure is funny and this is because the joke is not really emphasized with a pause in the music or a long note. After all, these singers take what they are singing seriously because they do believe in what they are singing (this doesn’t pertain to the actors).

The actors in this production, Matthew Buckner (Matthew), Ryan J. Ratliff (Mark), Landon Beard (Luke), Jay Garcia (Juan), and Ryan Strand (Abraham) are all very energetic funny guys. This helps the production in certain numbers that somewhat falter and are not that funny like “Body Mind and Soul”, where Luke sings about the vain young people of today and how God doesn’t really care about your looks. Luckily, Landon Beard (who plays the slow one in the group) redeems this downer of a number purely by his energy; I don’t know how he does it. The production does falter at this point. The number after this is sung by Jay Garcia, and even with all his energy the song is not energetic because “La Vida Eternal” sounds like a Ricky Martin number when it should really sound like more religious pop music. Just because Ricky Martin is a cheesy pop singer doesn’t mean he sounds like a cheesy religious pop singer. The problem is that these actual groups that are being parodied are very specialized and not that popular—there’s not one singer that comes to mind to play off of so the lyricists simply go to Ricky. This satire represents new fertile ground.

My favorite number in the whole musical is “God Put the Rhythm in Me” because those lyrics might be the only actual realistic statement in the whole musical (it sure isn’t the song “Everybody Fits” and that’s because religion does not accept everyone). The tune is a realistic statement especially after you see the actors dance; the choreography is very good because it looks just like the choreography of actual boy bands, which I’ am assuming is what Christian boy bands dance like. I’m surprised that the music is as good as it is. The sound is actually very different from what these bands sound like; this makes the production more enjoyable and not seriously religious. For example, “The Miracle Song” is done in a Rap style that is very funny; it’s funny because the real religious pop groups that this musical is satirizing do not sing in that way. They actually sound prissier and this differentiation makes this group funny and the real groups not. It’s a form of distancing. There are no religious Rap groups spreading the Gospel, at least not yet.

The innocence that is in this production is very different from the innocence in a production like Hairspray. The infantilization of both John Waters raucous obscene humor and the 1960’s should not have been attempted by the creators of that musical; it should have been left as just a movie. Altar Boyz innocence is needed or else the audience would criticize and hate religious boy band groups, who at least serve some purpose. We as an audience are not looking down at these guys, at the same time that we’re not looking up at them. We are just looking and laughing at them, and not “hurtin’ or hatin”, either.